A poll and some pondering

[annwfyn]

Yesterday somehow turned into a fairly constructive day. Well, setting aside the hours in which I'd stalked the library scowling at books, sulked in my room and ranted at a very understanding stuffed zebra. I still, however, managed to get a fairly reasonable amount of work done. I did a solid 9-5 pm day, and then spent the evening sampling Greek food at a nice restaurant in Summertown (it is lovely - anyone from Oxford - if you're up in Summertown look out for the Greek-Cypriot place on the Banbury Road) and then found myself at the cinema watching 'It's All Gone Pete Tong', which turned out to be much better than expected and surprisingly sweet in places.

Tonight I am driving to Hatfield for castorlion's birthday, and then back to London afterwards. Then back to Oxford the next morning.

Anyway, moving away from 'wot I did', I am currently pondering. This comes from a conversation I had the other day. Now, over the years, I have seen a number of various bust ups, explosions and grudges held over what can be described as 'person theft' or 'trollop like behaviour'. I put various types of behaviour which are not technically evil, but cause trauma and then are normally forgiven. I put in situations like 'she knew I liked him, but went out with him anyway', 'I think he and her were getting close while we were still together and then started going out a week later', 'he was my best mate and started seeing my ex while I was still hung up on her'. That kind of thing.

Now, I was discussing situations such as this with pierot* and he commented that in his opinion it was far harder to forgive and forget behaviour such as this if the couple stayed together. It meant that there was a constant low level reminder that it had happened. I suppose as well there would be a reminder that someone else was benefitting from your pain, in some way. I think I disagreed. I felt that in some ways it was easier to get over such things if the couple did get married and live happily ever after. In my mind, that means that their relationship really meant something. And (in my rather pink tinged world view) you can't really resent True Love or some variant thereof.

This got discussed, and pondered and I'm still pondering it today.

So. Imagine your girlfriend ran off with another man a week after she broke up with you 'because I just need to be by myself right now'. Imagine your best friend stole the guy you'd been eying up for months. What is easier to forgive?

[Poll #504230]


* Who I've noticed I mention far far too often. Nearly every single LJ entry. It's rather pathetic, isn't it? My only excuse is that he does tend to be the person I start having these conversations with that I then bring to the outside world. That and I spend far too much time with the boy. Oh well. I suppose there are worst things in the world than a relationship where one enjoys the other's company and conversation.

Comments

[souldestruction.livejournal.com]

What you're talking about is actively doing something to hurt someone that you are ment to care about.

If you actively go out with a mates ex, or you screw over a mate to get the girl or bloke first. These are decisions that you have chosen to make, these things do not happen by accident.

For me I don't think it would be the fact that "said couple" are still together, but more the "betrayal" that took place that would be hard to stomach.

but hey we're all guilty of it.

Also "true love", yeah well maybe. More like true love until one party gets bored, or fancies someone else, or see's the grass is greener. Everything has a time span, sometimes that time span will last past the lifes of those involved, but i've covered this before.

One last thing, I don't believe there is one person for each of us, thats just crap, sure couples get married and live a great life, but thats not to say they couldn't have married other people and been just as happy and in love.

[annwfyn.livejournal.com]

*ponders*

I'm not entirely sure that these things always do occur due to real malice, and I think different people have different views. For example, I do have one friend who has always said that in her mind, then once a relationship is over, it's over. No more rights on either side. I've seen her stick by that even when it has been painful for her. I think in some ways I'd find it fair if she then went out with an ex of mine - she's always been open about how she works and she is consistent with it.

People also can do these things out of stupidity - just not noticing. God knows, I've twice in my life managed to date someone that a friend of mine had feelings for. Both times it was purely out of ignorance. I honestly wasn't aware of what was going in inside the other girl's head. Weirdly, both times I lost the friendship utterly, but the relationship lasted a long time. One was my high school sweetheart who I still get on really well with.

I don't think I believe in The One. I do think I believe that sometimes there is a special kind of chemistry which is worth holding on it, especially if it is a good and positive chemistry. *ponders*

I think I used to have a much much harsher attitude on such things - much closer to yours. I know I've screwed up in the past tho, and gone out with people when I maybe shouldn't because I hadn't noticed a mate of mine getting emotional. I know I've also thrown fits about a friend going out with an ex, and later on felt that the trouble I'd caused wasn't worth it, esp not when nothing positive ever came out of me being hissy.

I've kind of tried to calm it down since then. Dunno. Just pondering, really.