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annwfynHow did my New Year go?
For me, last night was a spectacularly good New Year. I had one minor wibble around midnight, and when I say 'minor', I mean 'I felt a bit out of it, didn't want to be around people, so went up to bed, then couldn't sleep and so put some jeans and a jumper on, and decided to go for a wander. Got nabbed on the way down the stairs by jez who told me firmly that it was raining and dragged me back upstairs'. There were no tears, no panic attacks, and no great trauma. Considering my track record at new year, that's bloody amazing.
3 Queen of Denmark Court (or New Upstairs, possibly due to still be shortened to Upstairs) hosted a dinner party last night. It wasn't as big as we'd have liked, and not everyone we would have liked to see there was*, but we did haveksirafai, castorlion, wildrogue, imnotagoth, portilis and bouncyinsomniac as well as the residents - pierot, rweishaar, bringeroflight and me. Everyone brought a dish, and there was a mass orgy of cooking and cleaning in the afternoon, combined with chocolates, cards and a lot of alcohol. I played with a tarot deck, which I'm practicing with, and chatted with Elle about tarot, before drinking more Baileys, and instead deciding to re-write the evening a la an Agatha Christie novel (which may follow later). There was dinner, there was a lot of food, there was more alcohol, there was 'I have never' (shame on you Ryan! Shame on you!), then there was heading down to the Thames to watch the fireworks. It was chilled out, it was mellow, and it was by far the best New Year I've had in years.
So, go New Year!
How was my 2005?
I think if I were to describe 2005, I would say it was a year of consolidation. 2003 was a year of radical change. It was a year when my life got picked up, shaken about, beaten up the side of the head and then left in a foreign land. 2004 was my attempt to restart after that change. It turned into a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, with some pretty damn fine 'ups' (kissing jez for the first time, getting into Oxford and killing that old demon, making a lot of new friends) and some pretty horrible 'downs' (having a big bust up with Krystyna, losing a lot of my self confidence, going through a pretty tumultuous early relationship with jez as he got pneumonia and both our lives rather fell over). 2005 was the year when things began to settle into a pattern. It wasn't really a year of great glories - I didn't manage to finish my Masters, I spent a fair bit of the year in hospital - but it was a year in which a lot of small things came together, and I made small steps towards creating myself a pleasant and solid life.
Yesterday, when playing around with a tarot deck, I found myself pulling the 8 of pentacles again and again for my recent past.
It seems very appropriate. I feel as if I've spent the last year sitting at that desk, just working away. And in a small way, I think I've got a lot of things sorted. I've created a bit of a home at 3 Queen of Denmark Court, with flatmates I like, and a lovely lovely house. I've got my kittens, who I do absolutely adore and bring me a stupid amount of happiness. I did pass the first year of my Masters, even if I had to postpone writing my dissertation/thesis, and I think I sorted out a lot in relation to my relationship. I'm a lot less insecure than I was before. I'm a lot more relaxed. And so far, we've made it for a year and a half now, coming up to two years, which makes me pretty damn happy. Of some of the problems with my friendships I've had over the last couple of years; I hope there's the beginnings of resolution or at least peace and truce coming. But we'll see.
I've got goals and I'm working towards them. That's a start.
What are my hopes for 2006?
The card I pulled from the tarot deck** about my hopes and dreams was this one:
I think it summarises what I want. I want comfort, I want security, and I want enough accomplishment that I don't need to worry. In practical terms I think I can boil it down into:
Health. I want to be a bit healthier this year. Last year was a year with many problems in that direction. This year, I want to leave them behind. I've also been gifted with a much more functional body, due to the lack of excess breast tissue. I want to take advantage of this. I'm already jogging a bit, but I want to actually make sure I do that every day. There's an element of vanity in all this, but I'm trying to make that not the priority. I want control of my body. I want it to do what I want it to do, and I want to be able to really run, without falling over gasping and tired. Getting thinner would be good, but I'm not going to eat nothing and turn into the devil or get fixated with my looks. I'm going to focus on the health and worry about everything else later.
Wealth. I want to put my inheritance fund somewhere safe. Right now I'm really scared at the way it's dribbling away. I'm considering buying a house somewhere cheaper than London where I can afford to buy outright and then renting it out for the next couple of years, basically allowing me to still get a bit of income out of it, while not letting me touch the bulk of it. If anyone can think of anything else I could do, please feel free to suggest.
I also want to make some firm steps towards establishing my career. I want to finish my Masters, finish my chemistry course, and then I want to start at Camberwell College and train as a conservator. I want a profession, and I want it to mean something.
Happiness. I don't think there are any major changes here. I want things to keep working with me and jez. I want to keep hold of the friends I've got who have been wonderful to me. I suppose the one change I want to make is that I want to let go of a lot of the emotional crap I tend to be carrying. I don't want to keep all the hissing anger I tend to have a rather good capacity for storing.
I might make that my New Year's resolution - to let go of the past and stop worrying.
Of course, all this good stuff starts tomorrow. Today I'm in a slightly odd mood. I always get this mood over New Year at some point. It's a nostalgic, bittersweet mood that broods on that which I miss and that which I've lost. Ach. I shall try and not brood. I shall go for a run, feed my kittens and appreciate what I've got.
And I wish all of you a very Happy New Year.
__________________________________________________________
*This was due to space. Basically, we've got a table which will seat 10. We invited twelve before we realised this, had to stop, and in the end got lucky that two people couldn't show.
**This entry is quite tarot heavy. I hasten to reassure you that I have not turned into Sally: Gypsy Queen, and neither will all important decisions in future be determined by a deck of paste cards. However, last night was a Night Of Tarot, (using the very deck I am now using for the images now) and I have decided that it provides a series of pleasant visual summaries of many things and as such is a useful tool for expressing mood and nebulous concepts.
For me, last night was a spectacularly good New Year. I had one minor wibble around midnight, and when I say 'minor', I mean 'I felt a bit out of it, didn't want to be around people, so went up to bed, then couldn't sleep and so put some jeans and a jumper on, and decided to go for a wander. Got nabbed on the way down the stairs by jez who told me firmly that it was raining and dragged me back upstairs'. There were no tears, no panic attacks, and no great trauma. Considering my track record at new year, that's bloody amazing.
3 Queen of Denmark Court (or New Upstairs, possibly due to still be shortened to Upstairs) hosted a dinner party last night. It wasn't as big as we'd have liked, and not everyone we would have liked to see there was*, but we did have
ksirafai, castorlion, wildrogue, imnotagoth, portilis and bouncyinsomniac as well as the residents - pierot, rweishaar, bringeroflight and me. Everyone brought a dish, and there was a mass orgy of cooking and cleaning in the afternoon, combined with chocolates, cards and a lot of alcohol. I played with a tarot deck, which I'm practicing with, and chatted with Elle about tarot, before drinking more Baileys, and instead deciding to re-write the evening a la an Agatha Christie novel (which may follow later). There was dinner, there was a lot of food, there was more alcohol, there was 'I have never' (shame on you Ryan! Shame on you!), then there was heading down to the Thames to watch the fireworks. It was chilled out, it was mellow, and it was by far the best New Year I've had in years.So, go New Year!
How was my 2005?
I think if I were to describe 2005, I would say it was a year of consolidation. 2003 was a year of radical change. It was a year when my life got picked up, shaken about, beaten up the side of the head and then left in a foreign land. 2004 was my attempt to restart after that change. It turned into a bit of an emotional rollercoaster, with some pretty damn fine 'ups' (kissing jez for the first time, getting into Oxford and killing that old demon, making a lot of new friends) and some pretty horrible 'downs' (having a big bust up with Krystyna, losing a lot of my self confidence, going through a pretty tumultuous early relationship with jez as he got pneumonia and both our lives rather fell over). 2005 was the year when things began to settle into a pattern. It wasn't really a year of great glories - I didn't manage to finish my Masters, I spent a fair bit of the year in hospital - but it was a year in which a lot of small things came together, and I made small steps towards creating myself a pleasant and solid life.
Yesterday, when playing around with a tarot deck, I found myself pulling the 8 of pentacles again and again for my recent past.
It seems very appropriate. I feel as if I've spent the last year sitting at that desk, just working away. And in a small way, I think I've got a lot of things sorted. I've created a bit of a home at 3 Queen of Denmark Court, with flatmates I like, and a lovely lovely house. I've got my kittens, who I do absolutely adore and bring me a stupid amount of happiness. I did pass the first year of my Masters, even if I had to postpone writing my dissertation/thesis, and I think I sorted out a lot in relation to my relationship. I'm a lot less insecure than I was before. I'm a lot more relaxed. And so far, we've made it for a year and a half now, coming up to two years, which makes me pretty damn happy. Of some of the problems with my friendships I've had over the last couple of years; I hope there's the beginnings of resolution or at least peace and truce coming. But we'll see.
I've got goals and I'm working towards them. That's a start.
What are my hopes for 2006?
The card I pulled from the tarot deck** about my hopes and dreams was this one:
I think it summarises what I want. I want comfort, I want security, and I want enough accomplishment that I don't need to worry. In practical terms I think I can boil it down into:
Health. I want to be a bit healthier this year. Last year was a year with many problems in that direction. This year, I want to leave them behind. I've also been gifted with a much more functional body, due to the lack of excess breast tissue. I want to take advantage of this. I'm already jogging a bit, but I want to actually make sure I do that every day. There's an element of vanity in all this, but I'm trying to make that not the priority. I want control of my body. I want it to do what I want it to do, and I want to be able to really run, without falling over gasping and tired. Getting thinner would be good, but I'm not going to eat nothing and turn into the devil or get fixated with my looks. I'm going to focus on the health and worry about everything else later.
Wealth. I want to put my inheritance fund somewhere safe. Right now I'm really scared at the way it's dribbling away. I'm considering buying a house somewhere cheaper than London where I can afford to buy outright and then renting it out for the next couple of years, basically allowing me to still get a bit of income out of it, while not letting me touch the bulk of it. If anyone can think of anything else I could do, please feel free to suggest.
I also want to make some firm steps towards establishing my career. I want to finish my Masters, finish my chemistry course, and then I want to start at Camberwell College and train as a conservator. I want a profession, and I want it to mean something.
Happiness. I don't think there are any major changes here. I want things to keep working with me and jez. I want to keep hold of the friends I've got who have been wonderful to me. I suppose the one change I want to make is that I want to let go of a lot of the emotional crap I tend to be carrying. I don't want to keep all the hissing anger I tend to have a rather good capacity for storing.
I might make that my New Year's resolution - to let go of the past and stop worrying.
Of course, all this good stuff starts tomorrow. Today I'm in a slightly odd mood. I always get this mood over New Year at some point. It's a nostalgic, bittersweet mood that broods on that which I miss and that which I've lost. Ach. I shall try and not brood. I shall go for a run, feed my kittens and appreciate what I've got.
And I wish all of you a very Happy New Year.
*This was due to space. Basically, we've got a table which will seat 10. We invited twelve before we realised this, had to stop, and in the end got lucky that two people couldn't show.
**This entry is quite tarot heavy. I hasten to reassure you that I have not turned into Sally: Gypsy Queen, and neither will all important decisions in future be determined by a deck of paste cards. However, last night was a Night Of Tarot, (using the very deck I am now using for the images now) and I have decided that it provides a series of pleasant visual summaries of many things and as such is a useful tool for expressing mood and nebulous concepts.
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no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 11:17 am (UTC)happy new year babe
no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 11:39 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 11:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 12:04 pm (UTC)Um. No, I can't really think of how it would be different.
I saw a bit of Van Helsing earlier and thought of you. :)
no subject
Date: 2006-01-02 11:45 am (UTC)That always makes me think of Sally.
no subject
Date: 2006-01-02 09:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-01-01 02:01 pm (UTC)