On livejournal and how I use it...
Mar. 23rd, 2007 07:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
annwfynI'm pondering tonight, as I often do. Tonight, in a slightly navel gazing kind of way, I am pondering livejournal.
I am pondering what I use it for. I am pondering why I add people to my friends list, how I filter it as I do, and what my friends list means to me.
This was brought on, as these rambles always are with me, by a couple of people de-friending me. One offered a general purpose explanation that he was just cutting people off his flist that he didn't really talk to anymore, either on LJ or in real life. The other didn't say anything, but she's not someone I know very well, honestly, although she is the fiancee of someone I am quite fond of, and I'm vaguely hoping that this isn't a sign of me watching him drift out of my life entirely as well.
(I was, by the way, quite mellow for me. I had no particular sulk or pout about either of these 'de-friendings' which I am sure many of you will be surprised to hear)
Anyway. And it got me thinking.
It got me thinking about why I automatically de-friended both people immediately, without even really considering the matter. The obvious answer is that I tend to be mildly lacking in trust in people at the best of times, and I do use my livejournal to whitter about quite a lot of personal corners of my life. I don't think I'm at all comfortable with someone reading about my life, my thoughts, my feelings, if they don't really want to give me any contact with them in return. I suppose, on some level, my friending someone is saying 'if you want to know what I'm thinking or feeling, then that's cool with me'. This isn't a political blog, or a witty blog, or the very low budget internet equivalent of a newspaper column. It is a personal livejournal, and in places it is a cross between a diary and a personal e mail to a bunch of friends.
If someone doesn't want that kind of connection with me - well - I'd rather not keep reaching out.
There have, it must be said, be people that I've friended without reciprocation. The last person I did that with was![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
huggy_pixie, who is someone who was and is very important to me in real life, and I wanted her to know (whenever she got round to checking her LJ profile) that I was always going to have this corner of my life open to her, whenever she wanted.
So, non-reciprocal friending seems to be something that mostly has an odd emotional significance to me.
I also wondered why it was that I largely don't do friends list culls. I've done one once, felt really guilty, and added most people back the next day. I don't think I'll do one again.
First of all, why do I keep people on my LJ who I haven't spoken to in ages? I suppose because I want to keep the door open. The vast majority of people on my LJ are people that I have met in person, and they are people who have made an impact on me in one way or another. They are people I've enjoyed talking to, they are people I share specific memories with, they are people who knew a Sally that others have long forgotten. I don't want to turn my back on that, and I want to know that if the world changes, and we do find ourselves in the same place again (be that the same city, the same country, or even the same role playing society) then they'll know how to find me, I'll know how to find them, and we can maybe re-connect.
Secondly, why do I keep people on my flist who I have never met and maybe don't know that well. Well, mostly because they've said something interesting, because they've asked, or sometimes just because they have seemed to want to connect with me. By and large I'm not big with the rejection, and if someone is enjoying reading what I have to write, then why tell them they can't read it anymore?
But having said all that, why are there people out there who have friended me that I've not friended back yet?
Erm. A variety of reasons. First of all, I normally don't friend anyone that I:
a) don't know
b) has never introduced themself
c) am unsure about where the hell they found my LJ from
There are a couple of other folks out there who have my friended that I've not friended back. Those are people that I am a little bit unsure about, for one reason or another, and am a little bit nervous about giving them that personal access to me. By and large tho, most of the people I've not friended are just people I don't really know at all.
I could, of course, be a complete moron and have missed some really obvious people. Erm. If that's the case I hope they'd tell me.
And finally, why is this 'friending' thing a big deal anyway?
I suppose it's a combination that horribly loaded term of 'friends', and the way I write in my livejournal.
I do write about personal things. I do share quite a bit of my insanities, my vulnerabilities, my worries, and my hopes in my livejournal. I used to put a lot more of that on public display, but now I don't. And so for me, livejournal is a personal kind of contact. It is something which has some kind of low level emotional significance to me. Not as much as it used to (which is for the best), but it seems to still be there.
Hmmmm...odd thoughts. Silly thoughts.
In other news, I'm off to see 300 tonight. Some mean people have said it may not be historically accurate. I, however, care not for historical accuracy tonight. I care for a film about the myth that I suspect Leonides would have preferred. Then this weekend is Zeitgeist Mummy/Sabbat/Mage/Mortals chaos. I'll sleep when it's all done.
I am pondering what I use it for. I am pondering why I add people to my friends list, how I filter it as I do, and what my friends list means to me.
This was brought on, as these rambles always are with me, by a couple of people de-friending me. One offered a general purpose explanation that he was just cutting people off his flist that he didn't really talk to anymore, either on LJ or in real life. The other didn't say anything, but she's not someone I know very well, honestly, although she is the fiancee of someone I am quite fond of, and I'm vaguely hoping that this isn't a sign of me watching him drift out of my life entirely as well.
(I was, by the way, quite mellow for me. I had no particular sulk or pout about either of these 'de-friendings' which I am sure many of you will be surprised to hear)
Anyway. And it got me thinking.
It got me thinking about why I automatically de-friended both people immediately, without even really considering the matter. The obvious answer is that I tend to be mildly lacking in trust in people at the best of times, and I do use my livejournal to whitter about quite a lot of personal corners of my life. I don't think I'm at all comfortable with someone reading about my life, my thoughts, my feelings, if they don't really want to give me any contact with them in return. I suppose, on some level, my friending someone is saying 'if you want to know what I'm thinking or feeling, then that's cool with me'. This isn't a political blog, or a witty blog, or the very low budget internet equivalent of a newspaper column. It is a personal livejournal, and in places it is a cross between a diary and a personal e mail to a bunch of friends.
If someone doesn't want that kind of connection with me - well - I'd rather not keep reaching out.
There have, it must be said, be people that I've friended without reciprocation. The last person I did that with was
huggy_pixie, who is someone who was and is very important to me in real life, and I wanted her to know (whenever she got round to checking her LJ profile) that I was always going to have this corner of my life open to her, whenever she wanted. So, non-reciprocal friending seems to be something that mostly has an odd emotional significance to me.
I also wondered why it was that I largely don't do friends list culls. I've done one once, felt really guilty, and added most people back the next day. I don't think I'll do one again.
First of all, why do I keep people on my LJ who I haven't spoken to in ages? I suppose because I want to keep the door open. The vast majority of people on my LJ are people that I have met in person, and they are people who have made an impact on me in one way or another. They are people I've enjoyed talking to, they are people I share specific memories with, they are people who knew a Sally that others have long forgotten. I don't want to turn my back on that, and I want to know that if the world changes, and we do find ourselves in the same place again (be that the same city, the same country, or even the same role playing society) then they'll know how to find me, I'll know how to find them, and we can maybe re-connect.
Secondly, why do I keep people on my flist who I have never met and maybe don't know that well. Well, mostly because they've said something interesting, because they've asked, or sometimes just because they have seemed to want to connect with me. By and large I'm not big with the rejection, and if someone is enjoying reading what I have to write, then why tell them they can't read it anymore?
But having said all that, why are there people out there who have friended me that I've not friended back yet?
Erm. A variety of reasons. First of all, I normally don't friend anyone that I:
a) don't know
b) has never introduced themself
c) am unsure about where the hell they found my LJ from
There are a couple of other folks out there who have my friended that I've not friended back. Those are people that I am a little bit unsure about, for one reason or another, and am a little bit nervous about giving them that personal access to me. By and large tho, most of the people I've not friended are just people I don't really know at all.
I could, of course, be a complete moron and have missed some really obvious people. Erm. If that's the case I hope they'd tell me.
And finally, why is this 'friending' thing a big deal anyway?
I suppose it's a combination that horribly loaded term of 'friends', and the way I write in my livejournal.
I do write about personal things. I do share quite a bit of my insanities, my vulnerabilities, my worries, and my hopes in my livejournal. I used to put a lot more of that on public display, but now I don't. And so for me, livejournal is a personal kind of contact. It is something which has some kind of low level emotional significance to me. Not as much as it used to (which is for the best), but it seems to still be there.
Hmmmm...odd thoughts. Silly thoughts.
In other news, I'm off to see 300 tonight. Some mean people have said it may not be historically accurate. I, however, care not for historical accuracy tonight. I care for a film about the myth that I suspect Leonides would have preferred. Then this weekend is Zeitgeist Mummy/Sabbat/Mage/Mortals chaos. I'll sleep when it's all done.
