annwfyn: (Mood - winter melancholy)
[personal profile] annwfyn
First of all, for those of you who have never been down to Camberwell, here is a picture of the place I work for three days per week.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Secondly, I shall now ramble.

I've been getting very stressed about college over the past couple of weeks. It isn't that I don't love the course, or what I'm doing. It is because it's quite an intensive course, and missing a week of college due to flu, and only being able to make it in for mornings for the next week due to an ongoing icky chest infection has lead to me falling behind. Being behind means that I feel panicked, stupid, and like I'm running to get things done, when they need to be done slowly and methodically.

My instinctive response to this feeling is to want to just not go in, and avoid being conspicuous, confused and prone to asking stupid questions. It's quite a strong instinct as well. Every morning this week, and last week, I've woken up at 9 am and thought "I don't wanna go to school". I've been half an hour late, every morning, because I've been sitting in the house feeling tense and panicked. At college, I've been working more slowly than I should due to having to wander outside every now and then to breathe and calm down a bit, as my chest gets tight and my heart starts pounding.

I can, of course, only write about this now because I finally caught up today, after spending an extra hour and a half in college after hours, carefully binding a book in canary yellow cloth, and mounting and framing a rather nice print of an 18th century rectory. I'm now feeling a lot more relaxed (if still slightly nervous about the chemistry exam I've got on Friday), and am now realising how tense I have been.

On the plus side, the last few days at college have also featured (as well as stress and panic) a man with a mostly bald head and the fringes died flurescent yellow wandering around in a paisley dress and mid calf length white sports socks (and nothing else), another guy painting a life size elephant on the corridor wall and telling me it was a self portrait, and finding out that my museology seminar tomorrow is entitled 'Prostitution: What Was Going On?' which fills me with a great deal of alarm and curiosity.

I do want to do well on this course. I really really do. It's just been a rough couple of weeks.

In general, life is making my brain feel somewhat fretful at the moment. I'm worrying about my family for an assortment of different reasons, I'm worrying a little about [profile] pierot for he has been poorly of late, and I think that is now spilling over into the rest of my brain. Everything feels really unstable and uncertain.

Bah. And humbug.

But at least I've seen a man painting a seven foot high picture of himself as a young bull elephant.


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