annwfyn: (Mood - winter melancholy)
[personal profile] annwfyn
First of all, for those of you who have never been down to Camberwell, here is a picture of the place I work for three days per week.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Secondly, I shall now ramble.

I've been getting very stressed about college over the past couple of weeks. It isn't that I don't love the course, or what I'm doing. It is because it's quite an intensive course, and missing a week of college due to flu, and only being able to make it in for mornings for the next week due to an ongoing icky chest infection has lead to me falling behind. Being behind means that I feel panicked, stupid, and like I'm running to get things done, when they need to be done slowly and methodically.

My instinctive response to this feeling is to want to just not go in, and avoid being conspicuous, confused and prone to asking stupid questions. It's quite a strong instinct as well. Every morning this week, and last week, I've woken up at 9 am and thought "I don't wanna go to school". I've been half an hour late, every morning, because I've been sitting in the house feeling tense and panicked. At college, I've been working more slowly than I should due to having to wander outside every now and then to breathe and calm down a bit, as my chest gets tight and my heart starts pounding.

I can, of course, only write about this now because I finally caught up today, after spending an extra hour and a half in college after hours, carefully binding a book in canary yellow cloth, and mounting and framing a rather nice print of an 18th century rectory. I'm now feeling a lot more relaxed (if still slightly nervous about the chemistry exam I've got on Friday), and am now realising how tense I have been.

On the plus side, the last few days at college have also featured (as well as stress and panic) a man with a mostly bald head and the fringes died flurescent yellow wandering around in a paisley dress and mid calf length white sports socks (and nothing else), another guy painting a life size elephant on the corridor wall and telling me it was a self portrait, and finding out that my museology seminar tomorrow is entitled 'Prostitution: What Was Going On?' which fills me with a great deal of alarm and curiosity.

I do want to do well on this course. I really really do. It's just been a rough couple of weeks.

In general, life is making my brain feel somewhat fretful at the moment. I'm worrying about my family for an assortment of different reasons, I'm worrying a little about [profile] pierot for he has been poorly of late, and I think that is now spilling over into the rest of my brain. Everything feels really unstable and uncertain.

Bah. And humbug.

But at least I've seen a man painting a seven foot high picture of himself as a young bull elephant.

Date: 2007-01-30 09:22 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
You *get up* at 9am three days a week? Bloody arts student! ;)

Date: 2007-01-30 09:28 pm (UTC)
ext_20269: (studious - sally)
From: [identity profile]
My college day starts at 10 am.

The technicians don't open up the building til 9.30 am.

The technicians also start closing down buildings facilities pointedly at 5 pm, and kick everyone out at 6 pm.

Art schools don't seem to expect long hours from anyone. I also kinda benefit from being a 15 minute drive away. If I had anything like a normal London commute I'd need to be out of the house by 9 am.

Date: 2007-01-31 10:13 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
oh for 10am days again!

I start at 7.30am after mooching around in school for 20 mins then if I'm lucky I leave at half 4, if I'm unlucky we get kicked out by a bell at quarter to 6.

Except this coming Tuesday... then I don't get to leave until 8pm if I'm lucky - damn parents.

Date: 2007-01-30 09:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Sounds like there are some very cool people where you spend your days :D

In other news, *hugs* If you feel the need to randomly wibble at someone, feel free to phone, etc.

Date: 2007-01-30 09:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
hahahaha your college seems awesome!!!

on the stress side: you probably need holidays, get out of london for a few days and try to think about something else. you'll come back with a fresher mind a lots of energy to do great at school.

btw, how's your step-mum now?

Date: 2007-01-30 09:30 pm (UTC)
ext_20269: (Sally - sitting on books)
From: [identity profile]
It's this incredibly surreal place! Art school is really different from normal university.

You can also tell the conservators apart from all the actual artists. The conservators wander around in woolly jumpers, and jeans, and occasional long skirts (if they are girls). The artists dye their hair, and wear clothes that hover somewhere between 'creative' and 'clown' and somehow pull it off. It's quite amusing.

Stepmother is doing better - she's out of intensive care and is in a normal ward which is good, although I am told she probably isn't coming home any time soon. Hopefully they will be able to start talking about rehab and muscle exercises sometime this week.

Date: 2007-01-30 09:27 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Surrealness is good :) I think people need to see at least one random thing per day!

Hope things calm down soon!

Date: 2007-01-31 12:23 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Look at it this way - if you're panicked, and stressed that you're behind, it's an infinitely better thing than being behind and not wanting to make it up.

Life will calm down soon, I'm sure, and you'll be back on track before you know it.

By the way, I'm in London again for another appointment late tomorrow afternoon - mind if I pop round and hang out until the rush hour goes away, and I can get home without a million and one screaming commuters trying to get on the same train as me?

Date: 2007-01-31 01:04 am (UTC)
ext_20269: (Default)
From: [identity profile]
I'd love to see you, but am in college til 6 pm tomorrow evening, and I don't know if anyone else is going to be in til around the same time.

Which is a shame.

Date: 2007-01-31 11:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Well, my appointment isn't till 4 and will be at least an hour, I'd expect.

If you want, give me a call when you're home and I'll come round if I'm still in the area...

Of course, I'm tempting fate by even suggesting this, as the last few times I've been round, I've not got home till 2 at the earliest!


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