For Andy - an Exalted background.
Aug. 28th, 2007 11:53 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
annwfynTwo months ago I met with a hawk.
She was much the same as usual, which was to say monosyllabic, cold and slightly menacing. I found her sitting at the side of a road, with a plain face that was not her own, and only a handful of feathers at the nape of her neck to show who she really was. She glanced up as I drew near, and glowered at the delicate spiral of butterflies that danced around her hair.
Other Lunars would have greeted me. Well, some other Lunars would have greeted me. It is a sad fact that many of my people are much like this delightful hawk. They shun words, and seem to flee from courtesy and good manners as if it were a sign of corruption. Anyway, to return to the point, this hawk did not greet me. She instead sat motionless and expressionless until the butterflies clustered together and melted into a single delicate human form. Then she inclined her head very slightly.
"Good morning," I said, and smiled a quite dazzling smile.
"If you don't leave, I'll decapitate you," she said, which was not quite the greeting I was expecting. Admittedly, the hawk has never liked me overly. Her tie to her past is strong, and she remembers a slight that I think I cannot. Nevertheless, it is forbidden by our laws to kill another of our kind and the hawk has always been scrupulous in her attendance to these laws.
I blinked.
"There are a shortage of perfect heads in the world," I said, and touched my new face with my fingertips. "It would be a pity to spoil this one,"
The hawk shook her head.
"No games," she said. "I will."
I took a step back. She could decapitate me if she wished. The hawk was one of the fiercest of the Lunars in another life, and whilst the fifty years or so since her death and rebirth had weakened her somewhat, she was still a creature forged purely of fight and fury. I'm not that way inclined.
"Why?" I said. It seemed the only question I could ask.
She stared at me for a time. The hawk was prone to this. She seemed to assume that I should know the answer. I searched my brain for memories of the slight I had done her. A faint memory from a thousand years ago flickered through my brain. Once, a girl who looked a lot like me had spoken with a solar and advised that he not take his savagely spoken lady-hawk with him when he went to speak with the Dragon Blooded who's anger was hot. It was over a thousand years ago, and whilst the hawk did normally glare at me, she had never seemed to need my head for this insult before.
"Is this about the Lord of the Deep North?" I asked, in mild confusion.
The hawk did not deign to answer but simply flexed her hands. They looked alarmingly like a hawk's talons, and I took another step back.
"I shall leave," I said, and bowed politely, whilst thoughts raced through my brain. I had a sneaking suspicion that my advice to the Lord of the Deep North, those many many years ago, had entirely been motivated by malice. His hawk was more powerful then. It would have taken more Dragon Blooded than had marched against him to kill them both. He was, however, arrogant and refused to believe that they would really raise a hand against him, and so he was easy to persuade that it was better he ride out alone. She did not know then that I had been complicit in the Usurpation. She had only known I had advised diplomacy when strength would have been better. How could she know now? She had not even been around to witness the later betrayal, when I had let the Dragon Blooded who killed the young Solar she had been left to guard into the castle. She had flown off in a petulant snit with her Solar, as I had (I admit) hoped she would do. She had not been there when that had happened. The Solar (a boy - barely Exalted) he had never seen my face.
I was gathering myself together to leave when the hawk spoke again.
"My charge has returned," she said.
I turned.
"What?" I said.
"My charge has returned," she said again, and smiled for what may have been the first time in years. She was surprisingly young when she smiled. "I won't let anything happen to him this time."
I pushed my hair out of my eyes to try and cover my confusion.
"I heard...I heard the Solars were returning..." I said. Stories had been circulating for a year or more now. Lunars had been seen returning to the sides of long dead mates, or fleeing from them, even deeper into the Wyld. There were other, darker, stories as well, of creatures who had come from nowhere, carrying with them the marks of Solars long since dead, those marks now twisted and warped.
"They have returned," the hawk said, and grinned triumphantly. "My charge is here, and that means my Lord will return as well."
"Didn't you hate your Lord?" I asked. It was probably not the right thing to say, for the smile faded from her face instantly.
"Do you want me to kill you?" she said.
I shook my head. "No. No, I don't," I said. "I am, in fact, very keen on staying alive. I've died far more often than I care to remember, and it's almost always excrutiatingly painful. One could, in fact, say I have a fear of death."
"Coward," the hawk snapped, but she let her talons shift back to human hands. She looked at me for a moment with her head cocked on one side. "Your Lord has not returned, has he?" she said.
I shook my head slightly.
She frowned, lost in thought for a moment and then looked up at me. "My Lord will return," she said again. "He has to. And when he does, we will sweep this land clean. There was nothing we could not destroy when we stood together."
This was, from those memories which remain, entirely true. The Lord of the Deep North had been subtle and cruel, and his hawk had been his perfect weapon. I did not think I personally was that happy with the prospect of them reunited, but then I wouldn't be. I had worked quite hard to separate them for all eternity last time around.
"Your Lord will return as well," the hawk said, out of the blue. I stared back at her.
"He has to," she said. "Just as my Lord has done."
I do not think she saw me shiver.
"He loved you," the Hawk said. Why she had to suddenly discover the gift of human speech right now I am unsure. Maybe the return of the Solars had reminded her of some long forgotten tricks, like a performing dog who hears a familiar whistle.
"It was a long time ago," I said, and stared at my hands. My Solar Lord used to break my fingers when he was vexed with me. He would break one finger for every infraction. I remembered a night when I had huddled crying over two useless hands, with ten shattered fingers. A man with calm and cold eyes had kissed my shoulder gently.
"Why do you stay loyal to him?" he had asked, and kissed my crooked hands very very gently. I had winced at his touch, but had not pulled away. This man with the starry eyes did not love me. He was not capable of love, I knew that, but I don't think I cared in that moment.
"Did Luna really create you for this?" he had asked, and I had shaked my head.
"No," I had said, and tried to straighten the twisted fingers. The pain made me whimper slightly and they did not move. "No. She did not. And I won't be his pet any more."
I had stared up at this man, this player of fate, and had bared my teeth in a mockery of a smile. "I will help you. And I hope he and his kind rot for an eternity in the prison you have made for them."
The hawk frowned slightly.
"He loved you," she said again. "I could see it. And you..."
"It was a long time ago," I snapped. "And you asked me to go."
She actually looked slightly surprised. It appeared that the precious lady-hawk wasn't used to being spoken to roughly. Bad manners were her perogative. However, she said nothing and simply bowed her head in acknowledgement.
"The Solars will all return," she said as I rose up into the air. "They have to,"
I flew far that day, and when night came I huddled beneath the stars and cried like a child. I couldn't stop these memories - memories which shouldn't even be my own - from running through me. I had hated my Lord. I wasn't some pet hawk. I had killed my Lord. I had killed a dozen other Solars beside, and I had done it with open eyes.
Yet I couldn't forget the hope in that bloody stupid hawk's eyes when she had said "my Lord will return soon," and, even worse, I couldn't stop myself from feeling this same rush inside myself.
"My Lord will return again..."
She was much the same as usual, which was to say monosyllabic, cold and slightly menacing. I found her sitting at the side of a road, with a plain face that was not her own, and only a handful of feathers at the nape of her neck to show who she really was. She glanced up as I drew near, and glowered at the delicate spiral of butterflies that danced around her hair.
Other Lunars would have greeted me. Well, some other Lunars would have greeted me. It is a sad fact that many of my people are much like this delightful hawk. They shun words, and seem to flee from courtesy and good manners as if it were a sign of corruption. Anyway, to return to the point, this hawk did not greet me. She instead sat motionless and expressionless until the butterflies clustered together and melted into a single delicate human form. Then she inclined her head very slightly.
"Good morning," I said, and smiled a quite dazzling smile.
"If you don't leave, I'll decapitate you," she said, which was not quite the greeting I was expecting. Admittedly, the hawk has never liked me overly. Her tie to her past is strong, and she remembers a slight that I think I cannot. Nevertheless, it is forbidden by our laws to kill another of our kind and the hawk has always been scrupulous in her attendance to these laws.
I blinked.
"There are a shortage of perfect heads in the world," I said, and touched my new face with my fingertips. "It would be a pity to spoil this one,"
The hawk shook her head.
"No games," she said. "I will."
I took a step back. She could decapitate me if she wished. The hawk was one of the fiercest of the Lunars in another life, and whilst the fifty years or so since her death and rebirth had weakened her somewhat, she was still a creature forged purely of fight and fury. I'm not that way inclined.
"Why?" I said. It seemed the only question I could ask.
She stared at me for a time. The hawk was prone to this. She seemed to assume that I should know the answer. I searched my brain for memories of the slight I had done her. A faint memory from a thousand years ago flickered through my brain. Once, a girl who looked a lot like me had spoken with a solar and advised that he not take his savagely spoken lady-hawk with him when he went to speak with the Dragon Blooded who's anger was hot. It was over a thousand years ago, and whilst the hawk did normally glare at me, she had never seemed to need my head for this insult before.
"Is this about the Lord of the Deep North?" I asked, in mild confusion.
The hawk did not deign to answer but simply flexed her hands. They looked alarmingly like a hawk's talons, and I took another step back.
"I shall leave," I said, and bowed politely, whilst thoughts raced through my brain. I had a sneaking suspicion that my advice to the Lord of the Deep North, those many many years ago, had entirely been motivated by malice. His hawk was more powerful then. It would have taken more Dragon Blooded than had marched against him to kill them both. He was, however, arrogant and refused to believe that they would really raise a hand against him, and so he was easy to persuade that it was better he ride out alone. She did not know then that I had been complicit in the Usurpation. She had only known I had advised diplomacy when strength would have been better. How could she know now? She had not even been around to witness the later betrayal, when I had let the Dragon Blooded who killed the young Solar she had been left to guard into the castle. She had flown off in a petulant snit with her Solar, as I had (I admit) hoped she would do. She had not been there when that had happened. The Solar (a boy - barely Exalted) he had never seen my face.
I was gathering myself together to leave when the hawk spoke again.
"My charge has returned," she said.
I turned.
"What?" I said.
"My charge has returned," she said again, and smiled for what may have been the first time in years. She was surprisingly young when she smiled. "I won't let anything happen to him this time."
I pushed my hair out of my eyes to try and cover my confusion.
"I heard...I heard the Solars were returning..." I said. Stories had been circulating for a year or more now. Lunars had been seen returning to the sides of long dead mates, or fleeing from them, even deeper into the Wyld. There were other, darker, stories as well, of creatures who had come from nowhere, carrying with them the marks of Solars long since dead, those marks now twisted and warped.
"They have returned," the hawk said, and grinned triumphantly. "My charge is here, and that means my Lord will return as well."
"Didn't you hate your Lord?" I asked. It was probably not the right thing to say, for the smile faded from her face instantly.
"Do you want me to kill you?" she said.
I shook my head. "No. No, I don't," I said. "I am, in fact, very keen on staying alive. I've died far more often than I care to remember, and it's almost always excrutiatingly painful. One could, in fact, say I have a fear of death."
"Coward," the hawk snapped, but she let her talons shift back to human hands. She looked at me for a moment with her head cocked on one side. "Your Lord has not returned, has he?" she said.
I shook my head slightly.
She frowned, lost in thought for a moment and then looked up at me. "My Lord will return," she said again. "He has to. And when he does, we will sweep this land clean. There was nothing we could not destroy when we stood together."
This was, from those memories which remain, entirely true. The Lord of the Deep North had been subtle and cruel, and his hawk had been his perfect weapon. I did not think I personally was that happy with the prospect of them reunited, but then I wouldn't be. I had worked quite hard to separate them for all eternity last time around.
"Your Lord will return as well," the hawk said, out of the blue. I stared back at her.
"He has to," she said. "Just as my Lord has done."
I do not think she saw me shiver.
"He loved you," the Hawk said. Why she had to suddenly discover the gift of human speech right now I am unsure. Maybe the return of the Solars had reminded her of some long forgotten tricks, like a performing dog who hears a familiar whistle.
"It was a long time ago," I said, and stared at my hands. My Solar Lord used to break my fingers when he was vexed with me. He would break one finger for every infraction. I remembered a night when I had huddled crying over two useless hands, with ten shattered fingers. A man with calm and cold eyes had kissed my shoulder gently.
"Why do you stay loyal to him?" he had asked, and kissed my crooked hands very very gently. I had winced at his touch, but had not pulled away. This man with the starry eyes did not love me. He was not capable of love, I knew that, but I don't think I cared in that moment.
"Did Luna really create you for this?" he had asked, and I had shaked my head.
"No," I had said, and tried to straighten the twisted fingers. The pain made me whimper slightly and they did not move. "No. She did not. And I won't be his pet any more."
I had stared up at this man, this player of fate, and had bared my teeth in a mockery of a smile. "I will help you. And I hope he and his kind rot for an eternity in the prison you have made for them."
The hawk frowned slightly.
"He loved you," she said again. "I could see it. And you..."
"It was a long time ago," I snapped. "And you asked me to go."
She actually looked slightly surprised. It appeared that the precious lady-hawk wasn't used to being spoken to roughly. Bad manners were her perogative. However, she said nothing and simply bowed her head in acknowledgement.
"The Solars will all return," she said as I rose up into the air. "They have to,"
I flew far that day, and when night came I huddled beneath the stars and cried like a child. I couldn't stop these memories - memories which shouldn't even be my own - from running through me. I had hated my Lord. I wasn't some pet hawk. I had killed my Lord. I had killed a dozen other Solars beside, and I had done it with open eyes.
Yet I couldn't forget the hope in that bloody stupid hawk's eyes when she had said "my Lord will return soon," and, even worse, I couldn't stop myself from feeling this same rush inside myself.
"My Lord will return again..."
