Of endings...

[annwfyn]

Tonight myself, pierot, and the sainted ksirafai and wildrogue are clearing out 54 Acorn Walk. I give the keys back to the landlord on Tuesday.

It's an odd feeling. That place, for better or worse, was the scene of a lot of pretty major moments in my life. It's the place I recuperated after my breast reduction surgery. It's the place where a lot of my relationship with jez sorted itself out. It's the place where I got to know rweishaar and discover that there was quite a lot more to him than the rather aggressive American I had met through Ginnie.

*ponders*

I don't think I feel overly sad about leaving Acorn Walk. In a lot of ways, it wasn't really a very happy house. It was a place of a lot of tension, with flatmates that didn't quite gel. It was a place where I went through a lot of emotional turmoil which didn't really make me a nicer person. It was small and cramped at times, with too many people trying to fit in under one roof, and with a lot of confused boundaries re: guests & friends. The emotional dynamic was, frankly, a bit like barbed wire at times.

I've got a lot more hope for 3 Queen of Denmark Court. It's got more space, I have somewhere that actually feels like my room (well, mine and jez's) instead of me being added to someone else's space, and the entire place is a lot roomier. I know I'm comfortable with Ryan and jez, and I'm fond of Tim and hope (*fingers crossed*) that we all settle into living with each other.

But it's still odd letting Acorn Walk go, and it is bringing up a lot of memories.

Ach. Onward. Cleaning. Tidying. And then the future. That's always something it is best to be positive about. I've actually got a lot of long and rambling things that I want to say about letting go of the past, and moving on to the future - I've got a New Year's Resolution all planned out - but I think Ginnie might kill me if I'm an hour late to meet her because I was bearing my soul to livejournal, and I fear Ginnie. And so, for now. I depart.

Wish me luck with the cleaning...

Comments

Best of luck

[vilenspotens.livejournal.com]

It's best left behind and accepted. Some things just didn't work. Maybe it was needed though, who knows.

Re: Best of luck

[annwfyn.livejournal.com]

Yeah...best left behind, but I kinda wanted to put it down on paper (erm....metaphorical paper) somewhere. Another thing that this entry got me pondering is the extent to which I've kinda stopped saying things that might reflect negatively on mine or anyone's life, esp in lj, and that's sort of a shame.

I think I agree that some things just didn't work, and tis all left behind now tho. Is past. Is done.

Ach...I'm in an odd and nostalgic mood tonight now. I may even get around to doing that 40 questions meme.

In all fairness hon

[vilenspotens.livejournal.com]

You very rarely post anything about people on LJ that could be construed as negative, and haven't done so in a long, long time. Why is it a shame of you don't do that? Confilct avoidant works at times. Although I just may not be able to see the posts, of course :)

Tho I did see the Christmas card on Krys's post. Was nice to see.

Living at Cantina taught me a lot. Not always good lessons, but well worth learning. Like the Bio says, things change.

And do the meme, it's an eye opener if you're being honest to (and with) yourself. As you can imagine, mine got heftily edited before posting...

Re: In all fairness hon

[annwfyn.livejournal.com]

I don't think there's anything on my LJ that I've written lately that you can't see. Well, except the essay drafts, shopping lists etc that are set to private and probably a couple of play-yourself limited friends group posts.

The shame...erm...basically I was mildly regretting the fact that my LJ used to be a really accurate record of what I was feeling, how the world seemed to me. These days it's a lot more tame, and a lot of stuff just doesn't get recorded. In some ways it is for the best - limited friends group bitching is, in my opinion, probably bad. It's not secure, and all it is is bitching behind people's backs by another medium. It doesn't really solve anything and is probably just generally unhealthy. I don't regret doing that a lot less. I just thought that maybe sometimes I should be a little more honest - rediscover my inner corax, was the way my mind was working. Remember things without a filter of massive politeness.

I did have a look at the meme, and tried to do it, but stalled a bit. Basically, I wound up either not understanding the question, being bored by some of the questions, or feeling that there were things best left unsaid. I may try it again, esp as I'm sitting here awake at 9 am, with everyone else in the world sound asleep.

Oddly

[vilenspotens.livejournal.com]

I've heard a few people say something similar over the last few days. Seems a lot of people spent last years hiding and trying to save other people's feelings. Heh, maybe it's a sign of growing up? Scares me...

Then again, you can do things on private if all you want to do is keep track of things. Just be careful to put it in the right filter :)