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annwfynOnce, a long time ago, I did a favour for a friend. He was interested in a girl who had recently ended a relationship with a good friend of his, and he was trying to work out how much trouble he would get in if he asked her out. How soon was too soon? Her ex was pretty gutted. How big a betrayal of friendship was it? And would people think he had been shagging this lass all along?
So, I put up the entry. I can't remember what I wrote now. I think it was a hypothetical situation along those lines, and a ramble about what is the right or wrong thing to do. I may have even phrased it as 'I've been pondering the morality of this situation' before continuing on, mentioning no names.
The response I got was amazing. Four different people mailed me privately to say 'is that about me?', with varying levels of politeness, from "I was just worried" to "look, it's none of your business". In three of those cases I had had no idea that the people in question had that kind of drama in their lives. I mean, it was really fascinating to find out what was going on, and a little disconcerting.
I learned two things that day. One was that there is a risk in cryptic LJ posts. Everyone always assumes it is about them*. The other is that there is no subtle way to write about an actual drama that is going on in your or anyone else's life, even if you're only touching on it opaquely. Because everyone will know you are really talking about them.
As such, I just wrote a really long entry on the morality of gossip, ethics and discussing the love lives of your friends and set it to private, partly because it actually has been prompted by some recent events, and partly because I realized after writing it that it looked like it was prompted by others. It was a really good piece as well. I used a bunch of PCs as examples of dramatic and gossip inspiring situations. But it shall be kept hidden. I am, however, really tempted to post it up in six months time. I'm wondering what responses I might get, especially to the immortal query 'is it right to gossip if your friend has a sex tape uploaded to youtube?'
*well, in your case it actually is
So, I put up the entry. I can't remember what I wrote now. I think it was a hypothetical situation along those lines, and a ramble about what is the right or wrong thing to do. I may have even phrased it as 'I've been pondering the morality of this situation' before continuing on, mentioning no names.
The response I got was amazing. Four different people mailed me privately to say 'is that about me?', with varying levels of politeness, from "I was just worried" to "look, it's none of your business". In three of those cases I had had no idea that the people in question had that kind of drama in their lives. I mean, it was really fascinating to find out what was going on, and a little disconcerting.
I learned two things that day. One was that there is a risk in cryptic LJ posts. Everyone always assumes it is about them*. The other is that there is no subtle way to write about an actual drama that is going on in your or anyone else's life, even if you're only touching on it opaquely. Because everyone will know you are really talking about them.
As such, I just wrote a really long entry on the morality of gossip, ethics and discussing the love lives of your friends and set it to private, partly because it actually has been prompted by some recent events, and partly because I realized after writing it that it looked like it was prompted by others. It was a really good piece as well. I used a bunch of PCs as examples of dramatic and gossip inspiring situations. But it shall be kept hidden. I am, however, really tempted to post it up in six months time. I'm wondering what responses I might get, especially to the immortal query 'is it right to gossip if your friend has a sex tape uploaded to youtube?'
*well, in your case it actually is
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no subject
Date: 2011-09-29 10:40 pm (UTC)Oh and for the record I assume all LJ posts are never about me because believe me I don't have that drama in my life ;P
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Date: 2011-09-29 11:04 pm (UTC)There are posts on there which I am sure were sideways references to some kind of emo-traum, but I now have no idea what. There are others where I clearly seemed to think I was picking a fight, but looking back at it, I was actually being quite reasonable. And there were other entries which I was sure were flame wars, but actually no one was being that bad at all. I think we all just cared too much in those days.
Which isn't to say I don't do that still. I just think it's easier to see with hindsight.
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Date: 2011-09-29 11:06 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-30 07:23 am (UTC)Anyhow, it's a well known fact that the universe revolves entirely around me and nobody else :P
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Date: 2011-09-30 07:52 am (UTC)And so I think you are doing the right thing by not doing that, by waiting until it has passed and people can think it's about something else, because it can really really hurt when people do that, even unintentionally or when they actually didn't
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Date: 2011-09-30 08:15 am (UTC)And the longer I keep a journal the gladder I am that this stuff is recorded somewhere, as I have realized now how precious it is to have a good idea what the inside of my head looked like 5 years ago.
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Date: 2011-09-30 08:34 am (UTC)I do private posts sometimes, and have another place for such thoughts too. As you say, it gives us a look back on our thoughts at a time, and also is a useful way to explore our own thoughts, without hurting other people who may not be in any way involved
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Date: 2011-09-30 08:47 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-30 08:48 am (UTC)And yes, private posts or limited posts are the way forward. I have another one coming up today on trying to work out the difference between a depressive fit and PMS. This is, it seems, trickier than one might imagine!
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Date: 2011-09-30 10:37 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-30 10:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-30 11:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-30 11:38 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-30 07:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-30 09:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-09-30 09:24 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-10-01 10:05 am (UTC)Bloody llamas