Political theory, stolen from metaquotes

[annwfyn]

FEUDALISM: You have two cows. Your lord takes some of the milk.

DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to take care of them, and sells you the milk.

OLIGARCHY: The rich own two cows and all the milk. For cleaning up the cowshit you may get a pint of milk from time to time. This is called trickle down economics.

Some if this is fairly old, but I think the last line in particular is original and cracked me up.

PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.

REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms accounting for the missing cows.

MODERN CORPORATE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly-listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all seven cows' milk back to the listed company. The annual report says that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You are lactose intolerant but a buck's a buck.

OLD STYLE CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

I want giraffes.

In other news, all my university work for the term is now done. I'm heading into college in an hour to hand in my essay on 'what is the greatest challenge facing conservation today' for Post-graduate Professional Development. It'll be marked by a man with zero interest or knowledge in conservation, but a great deal of information on the correct way to use the Harvard Convention of citation. A bit of me still wishes I'd tried to quote Cartland, B Tulips of Love (London, 1968) halfway through, just to find out whether anyone noticed. I have a suspicion that as long as I used the correct format, no one would have cared.

I'm also returning the books I made to college. I stole them on Tuesday because I really wanted to show pierot what I do with my time. I'm quite proud of the results of my bookbinding.

And then, I am done! I'm done, I come home, and I pack for my holiday in Cornwall.

It's an odd sensation, walking away from everything for a little while. But I'll be back in time for Christmas.

Comments

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

You missed:

Blairite Socialism: You have two cows. The government takes one to give to someone else, but in the six months it takes to process the statutory cow-redistribution paperwork, it dies. The number of cows in the country halves overnight, John Prescott has roast beef for lunch every day, and the government announces it has successfully reduced the disparity in national cow-ownership by 50%.

Alternatively...

[davywavy.livejournal.com]

You have two cows. The government, without looking at them, decides they have foot and mouth and has them shot and burned. Seven years later you are still waiting for compensation for the deaths of your perfectly healthy livestock.

[bringeroflight.livejournal.com]

Hmm, I might have to ask you about how to do book binding. :)

[adze.livejournal.com]

[nadriel.livejournal.com]

Have a nice time!

(And is it wrong to wish for a Surrealist government? Hail Eris!)

[annwfyn.livejournal.com]

I can talk about it quite relentlessly, and possibly inflict my many many notes on you.

I can show you some of the books I've made to.

It isn't that tricksy, but it's definitely a skill. Why do you want to know?

[annwfyn.livejournal.com]

Cutest thing ever!