(no subject)

[annwfyn]

As a point of curiosity after reading the discussion in Friday's post on polyamory here, I have created a poll. This is entirely me being curious about where people are coming from in that discussion.

[Poll #771555]

For what it's worth, my perception of the quote in Friday's entry is that it was marginally offensive, in the same way I think that any blanket condemnation of anyone's relationship can be marginally offensive, although everyone is, of course, entitled to their opinion. I really do believe that there are so many ways of having totally good and positive relationships - monogamy, open relationships, polyamoury, hetrosexual, homosexual - people are so different. I also think it's really hard to make generalisations about relationships, again because they are so different. Personally, I've seen a lot of 'bad poly', or people who use the word 'polyamorous' when I think they mean 'I wanna screw around', which bugs me a little bit, but I've seen some pretty good poly as well. I've also seen some crazy-mad monogamy, which makes me cringe and wonder how the couple survive as well, but I know that right now monogamy seems to be working pretty well for me.

Well, except for the times when...but we'll move on from that.

Anyway, enough from me right now. I'm off to the Tower of London to go and meet Mr Lindsay, and see ravens. I'll wave to them and pass on melsner's greetings, and I'll see the rest of the world later.

Comments

[hardwired.livejournal.com]

"people who use the word 'polyamorous' when I think they mean 'I wanna screw around', which bugs me a little bit"

Yeah.

IMHO Poly is the new Sexuality 'in thing' atm. that is not to say those who are into it are not 'genuine'. It is that it is seen as "cool" to be poly so people say they are. For the wrong reasons.

Theres a difference between random sex and dual relationships. It's easier to handle one than another.

However, with that "cool factor" comes the desire of some to denigrate the "uncool". Not saying all or most do that, but some do. Its athing that happens with many cool things, and more so with sexualties it seems.

Take care

[hardwired.livejournal.com]

I also am offended by a poll asking peopl to pick MY sexuality

"HARDWIRED polyamorous"

;)

[vireton.livejournal.com]

i'm not one to be comferable with poly relationships but if i really really really like someone than i would make the effort to adapt

[vulgarcriminal.livejournal.com]

Are you a new classification?

[sea-of-flame.livejournal.com]

I've been in poly/open relationships, and been OK about them at the time. However, with the benefit of hindsight, it's nearly always been that there's something lacking in my 'primary' relationship which I've been supplementing with secondaries - and that's not necessarally just sex (which is what common perceptions of poly tend to focus on), but other parts of a relationship as well.

So I'm certainly not an 'OMG, how can people cope with doing that?' hard-wired monogamous-type - I know full well from experience that it involves a lot of communication, a lot of honesty, and an awful lot of diary management.

However, for me, poly appears to be the equivalent of vitamin supplements - in and of themselves, they're not bad for me (and indeed, if I'm suffering a deficiency, they may well be actively good!)...but they're an indicator that all is not well in my primary relationship (or diet, by analogy).

Soooo - monogamous and happily so. This is A Good Thing for me (and hopefully, for Dave ;)

[castorpollux23.livejournal.com]

Hmm... I've had an open relationship, and the result was that it crashed and burned as we both found other people. My lesson should have been in the suckiness of long distance.

Honestly, I say with Poly as I do with certain other relationships, well, if people want to do it, and everyone wants to, then that's their concern not mine. I won't judge.

But then again, you are talking to a girl that's starting to revise some of her prejudices against the other gender.

[twicedead.livejournal.com]

Euan Lindsay? That's a name I've not heard in a while. Say "Hi" to him for me.

[ksirafai.livejournal.com]

I utterly, utterly adore your icon, and may well nick it wholesale. If you're interested, I have an icon in a similar style of Patrick Stewart in sunglasses with the word 'superhero' on; if you'd be interested in that or others like it, please let me know... :)

(...there is no point to this comment. I don't even have anything useful to add to the debate... But hey. :P)

[inquis.livejournal.com]

I've done my fair share of polyamory, but it largely stopped working for me for various reasons. Not least of which was the vagaries of public transport and my inability to meet anyone who lives within 30 miles of me! It's nigh on impossible to hold any kind of meaningful relationship with someone you see once a month, in a situation where that is unlikely to improve.

I'm really enjoying monogamy at the moment, and feel comfortable with it, but not because I feel I couldn't do better in a polyamorous relationship if anyone was more local to me. IYSWIM.

[silver-blue.livejournal.com]

Best description I've seen of how I feel about polyamoury (better than anything I came up with myself). Essentially that polyamoury isn't compatible with "true love", so it's not exactly "amour" in the strictest translation.

[hardwired.livejournal.com]

Feel free to steal it. I got it from a lovely LJ group which was linked to a magento fandom LJ group. They were alittle too happy at Magneto/Rogue shipping however(ARGHH)

Ian McKellan is Magento, no question!

[twicedead.livejournal.com]

Ian McKellen is the movie Magneto sure, but he's not the comics magneto... and that's fine.

[hardwired.livejournal.com]

I sense a showdown.

Which comics Magento. There Clairmont Magneto, Morrison Magneto..the House of M Magneto. Excalibur Magneto.

And the New Avengers Magneto

IMHO, Magneto isnt even Magento half the time, but McKellan does a damned good job of getting the character across.

:)

[twicedead.livejournal.com]

Everyone has their own x-men defining moment, for me it was the run from about x-men 1-40 with Fabian Nicieza at the helm, for me the defining magneto moment was him ripping the adamantium out of wolverine.

Clairmont's Magneto isn't that Magneto, House of M magneto barely existed. Every writer, almost issue has a different magneto. McKellen gives a Magneto who is pretty damn good, but he's not the Magneto, at least not to me.

[puddingcat.livejournal.com]

*Grins*
Hey you ;)

[puddingcat.livejournal.com]

Denigrating other people's preferences / choices is also a good way of propping up your* own beliefs, especially if you* aren't 100% certain about them. It's easier to make someone else look bad than it is to make yourself* look good.


*Generic you, not you=hardwired. As if I needed to tell you** that.

**you=hardwired ;)

[hardwired.livejournal.com]

Bonjour madame!

Sorry if it seems discombobulated, I'm tired and sunburnt.

[childofcrow.livejournal.com]

I've done monogamy, and I was happy with it. Nothing was lacking, it wasn't like I required 'suppliments' on my relationship. I will be content to live the rest of my life with this man.

I'm currently involved with and living with 2 wonderful men, one of which I have been seeing for almost 8 years (since I was 16). It was choice I made, but I never would have made the choice if he was the least bit uncomfortable with it. He has alway supported me, and I him.

It doesn't fall into typical poly. I don't even like to define it as poly, but I am happy. They are happy. Screw everyone else. I've been teaching myself not to feel the need to justify my happiness to anyone.

A mother wouldn't love one child before another just because one came first. Just because I've been seeing one man for 8 years and the other for just 1 year doesn't mean I love either of them any less. Love is unique with each person, and you never love one person exactly as you love another. Love doesn't fit in a box.

Open vs Poly

[obake.livejournal.com]

I'm currently very happy in the open relationship I have with my Lovey-Hubby. I prefer to emphasize that we have an open relationship rather than an polyamourous relationship. To us that means that we allow strong friendships (often intimate) outside of our marriage, but we are not a three/four/(whatever)some. He's had a steady girlfriend for the past few years and I've had a few friends with benefits.

I really cringe at "bad poly"--the type of "poly" relationship that comes about as a result of just wanting to screw around, or when one partner has coerced the other into it. They just never work, often end in bad feelings, and give working relationships a bad name.

Poly, Mono, or Open, relationships are relationships like any other. They work when everyone involved agrees to it.

Re: Open vs Poly

[annwfyn.livejournal.com]

Good point - there is a real difference (from what I've seen/experienced) between open relationships and poly.

[lilitufire.livejournal.com]

I've said hardwired poly, even though I'm currently not with anyone apart from tokyo_mb, nor really intending to be. This is as much a function of where I am in the world and my access to cute people as anything (Japanese people, in general, don't do it for me, as they are in general pretty petite and petite doesn't work for me in either gender).

The world makes a lot more sense to me viewed with a poly lens, though, and life got a lot more understandable when I came to that conclusion. I guess I don't think I need to prove that point by searching for another partner, as much as anything because it would be quite hard for tokyo_mb if I did, since he's much more monogamous than me. I've settled on the "they would have to be exceptional" agreement, and they would have to be in order for me to put him through the stress. Does that make sense?

I also don't get the trendy thing. It's not always the easiest option, after all, simply because you have more people to interact / negotiate with.

[melsner.livejournal.com]

I'll wave to them and pass on [info]melsner's greetings, and I'll see the rest of the world later.

I'm still upset about those silly requirements for becoming the Raven Master.

[annwfyn.livejournal.com]

What? Twenty years of service in the British Army?

They are most unreasonable. :p

Re: Sorry if it seems discombobulated, I'm tired and sunburnt.

[sea-of-flame.livejournal.com]

it wasn't like I required 'suppliments' on my relationship.

Perhaps I was unclear in my comment - I wasn't suggesting this was how all poly relationships worked by any means, just a less-than-healthy pattern I'd spotted in my own past relationships!

*worries about offendnig people*

[melsner.livejournal.com]

Totally unreasonable!

Re: Sorry if it seems discombobulated, I'm tired and sunburnt.

[childofcrow.livejournal.com]

Oh, I'm not offended. Don't worry. :)